Tuesday, September 13
another crappy day. *shrugs- or should i say, another day in the life of a typical teenager.
i saw them together. fwah and her gf. it
hurt, physically. saw her 3 times today. it just hurts every time i look at her. maybe this is why i should only see her now and then. it's not like anything's gonna come of it anyway. i saw the way she put her arm around her shoulder, and i thought, it shouldn't be this easy.
trying to find the hole in my computer to plug in my earphones. i'm craving the sensation of having music blasting into my ears, so loud that i can pick out individual instruments.
patience is a virtue. virtues are virtues because only the virtuous can ever achieve them. i'm neither virtuous nor patient.
and this day keeps getting worse. and worse. and worse. and i binge and binge in an attempt to drown out sickly little voices in my head that whisper, 'you're just an idiot, you'll never find the one thing you seek.'
more than a year later, the scars are still there. in fact they're getting worse. they used to lie flat. now they're kind of bumpy. maybe a year. maybe two years. whatever made me think that time healed all wounds?
this is the saddest statement in the world: 'i trusted you'. at first i thought it would be 'i loved you', then i realised 'i trusted you' has more impact. imagine. girl throwing a rose at guy's feet, sobbing, 'i trusted you', as compared to the same scene, with the words 'i loved you'. 'i trusted you' carries more impact because of the hint of blame, of betrayal.. and because there's no mention of love. without trust there is no love. so when you say 'i loved you', it merely sounds sad in a lost-forever kind of way. without the hidden hurt and anger that betrayed trust carries. and love.. love is like energy. sometimes i wonder why huiying and i discuss this point every fortnight only to come to the same conclusion. it's like a habit we can't break, arguing about whether love is like energy, when we already know the answer.
i
will do work tonight. finish copying jan's math notes to return to her tomorrow, do the math question the teacher asked me to do, and maybe more math. math math math. i
must pass overall!!
please.oh, can someone review 'thunderstorms', please? scribbly blog. needs editing. thanks.
it must've been love.
8:44 pm
xoxo
